This Sick Twist of My Life

"There's a lot you guys don't know about my past" - Space Dandy. People at school will never know how hard it is for me. I hate this I'm staying in a motel right now. One pair of shoes. Living my dads friend soon. You don't even understand my situation. I wanna die. Nobody will ever fucking understand. Life is hard.

Tell Me About Life

Heres My Situation

Well I don't live in Wisconsin. I'm back home living with my grandma and dad.
I really don't want to explain it all but I ended up cursing out my step mom and I'm kinda mad at her and my dad. They got right back together and I'm so pissed.
After it all I ended up at the school I wanted to and this only happen a couple weeks ago. My dad is such a fucking fool for going back to a woman who beats on him. I don't think that's all the truth because when I did something bad I wouldn't tell the whole truth and I would forgive real quick. Now I'm in a bad situation cause I have to see my ex in school that I still love ( but he don't love me ) all the time. When we broke up it was because I moved away. Now just to let you know this is the boy I wrote about on earlier texts my fucking first love. So now you know what I'm dealing with by seeing him every day but just to make it worst he keeps calling me a liar because when he broke up with me it was because I said I wasn't coming back but I ended up coming back. I don't know why he keeps saying it. So there's my situation. Need some advice bit you know no one will comment.

Cry

They broke up again it hasnt even been a year. Things just went insane. I swear if they get back together I'll kill myself. Now I cant shake the feeling of crying. I'll be starting school but it doesnt make me happy. I don't wanna see him. Now I don't wanna listen to my dad. I wanna cry Help Me Please. It hurts.

I Fell

I feel in love to a song
That described and covered every feeling that I felt
There's not a lot that I can say about the song
It just covered every little thing
I fell into a sea in the sky
The thoughts of him flew around my mind

He was the thing that made me dizzy to the point I couldn't even think

I just let it happen

This is Something

Well I'm writing a story called "This Is Something". And now here's the characters.
The Beginning Of The Story: He was so inasent laying in the hospital bed with his dark brown hair and pale skin. I remember when we played in the field filled with soo many flowers i could barely count and he promised that we would be together forever. Well that was all before he fell into a coma. I used to pick flowers for him. I would bring a different type everyday. The nurses used to tell me I could bring them in the hospital, but I didn't care I would still everyday after school dig up flowers out of my neighbors yard. Put them in little pots and bring them to the hospital. And ohh how I used to read books to him. This one time I kissed him because I thought that he would wake up just like sleeping beauty. I wonder if he ever woke up?

Allana Levi: The protagonist. She's bitter and confused at the beginning but starts to open up when she kisses Danny. Her dad walked out on her and her mother. Her mom is an alcoholic, that tends to cry alot and beat in Allana. Allana is 13 years old and in her first year of middle school. She moves in next to Danny in the summertime and soon becomes his boyfriend. She soon becomes Danny's girlfriend and on the first day of school she moves in with him because of her mother. The girls at her school bully her cause she goes out with Danny. Allana finds out that Danny is the boy that she once knew who was in a coma. She goes through a lot to stay with Danny. But they eventually break up after he cheats on her and gets with a girl names Lea. She forgives him and they get back together. She speaks her mind when she disagrees with something and gets easily embarrassed. She has light brown hair and hazel eyes. She is 5'3. She was unsure if she could trust Danny after she sees him cheat on her. She doesn't try to make any friends because she doesn't want any one to know about her drunkard mother. She often calls Danny a pervert because when she moves in with him because of her mother he accidentally grabbed her chest(she barely has anything there)

Danny Short: He is also a main character. He is very sincere and only wants to repay Allana for when they were little kids. He doesn't remember her at first but soon realizes she was the girl from before. He has loved Allana since he was little. He got into a coma when he was 5 he was only in a coma for 2 months. Before he woke up from the coma Allana moved away and the only thing he had of her was his memories, the flowers she bring him and a little note that says sorry. The note was signed with her name on it but he couldn't read the last name. He is the second oldest out of 3 boys. His older brothers name is Brad. His younger brothers name is Dean. His mother and father are very successful and travel a lot. He only cheats on Allana because of his mother. He is 13 years old. Has dark brown hair and is 5'10.

Robin and Supergirl

Me Now

Well I read over all my old post and seen that I left all my questions in my blog entries unanswered.
#1 The anime club never happened
#2  I didn't really have feelings for that guy that I thought my old feelings were coming back
#3 I did fall for this guy I kept writing about like "Why Him" and "Never Should Have".
#4 Me and Dymon broke up. He don't love me no more(didn't happen just thought it did and he does love me)
#5 And I'm OK now
#6 I live in Wisconsin now
#7 I'm bout to turn 14
#8 Not popular
#9 A cheater
#10 I don't give advice anymore I receive it
#11 I still love ice cream and skittles
#12 Don't drink Arizonas anymore (but I still like them)
#13 I'm in a long distance relationship
#14 Been on this blog for a year
#15 Cry a lot more
#16  Still watch anime and read tons of manga
#17 Barely talk to my dad as much as I did
#18 I lie more then 10 times a day
#19 I live with my step mom and father
#20 Dated five boys this year( but not proud of it at all
#21 I hate myself
#22 I cut my self
#23 I stop regretting sending those 3 letters to my mother

I Love Him So Much

I love him so much.
He is so perfect from day one
I remember the first time I said I love him to him.
I love him more then words can describe.
He is ...
Sweet
Kind
Loveable
Has beautiful eyes
Curly hair
Mixed I love him sooo much
He's amazing

My songs

Drake:
Best I ever had
Proud of you
The Real Her
On One
Martins Room
4am

Rico Love:
To my Ex
They don't know
Bitches be like

Nicki Minaj:
Save me
Pills n potions
I wanna be with you
Your love

Rihanna:
Birthday cake
We ride
Talk that talk
Half of me

Bruno mars:
Talking to the moon
Just the way you are
Lighters

Chris brown:
Take it to the head
No bullshit
Strip
Another round
Ain't think bout you
Take you down

Keri hilson:
All the boys
One night stand
Tell him the truth

Ariana Grande:
Right there
Almost is never enough
Honeymoon avenue
Lovin it
The way

Jeremih:
I like
Don't tell em
Party girl
Birthday sex

Big Sean:
Do it
Ass/Dance
Clique

Christina agulera:
Save me from myself

Lies

I'm not floating on lies
Lies don't keep me living
Lies don't make me a better person
It makes me human
I do not depend on lies
Lies just destroyed me
The truth will set me free
I did based my life on lies
But they don't keep me standing
They make me fall for all your lies and hurts me the most
Um so here's the thing I'm a lie
I wanna be something I'm not so I act a certain way
I lie a lot but not as much as I said I did
Lying hurts me
So no more lies

My drawings here they are

One year

Its been a year!! I have grown up a lot but have also been hurt a lot. I've been so blessed to have this blog.
I lose so much by moving. So having this blog has ment so much. I love this blog soooo much. I can't believe it's been a year.

Out of my limits

I dreamed of beautiful skies
A big apartment in the city
The future
But I still continue to remember the past
Pittsburgh
I keep having flashbacks
I just wanna cry
The boy I like is there while I sit here not able to enjoy my summer
I can't stop remembering the past
I remember how the air would blow against my skin
The smell of the perfumes I used to wear
The bed I used to sleep on
The hills I walked up just to see him
The first time I met him
The music I listen to
Everything
The way I felt the paintings
It hurts so bad
When I look at the sky it reminds me again and again
Out of my limits
A place so perfect that all I want to do is cry cause I neglected it

When i grow up

When I grow up I want to grow plants
I wanna get good grades in school
Fall in love and maybe get my heart broken a few more times
Love and cherish everything I have
When I grow up I'll learn from my mistakes
Why wait to I grow up when I can do it all now
For the summer I can study my butt off and watch anime
I can wait for a  guy who will live me and care

What Now

To night was the night that I remembered everything. July 2 2014 Wednesday 2:29 am. "What Now" by Rihanna was the song I used to listen to before I moved back with my dad. I remember a month ago I looked at the song and couldn't remember what was so important about it but when I listen to it I remembered it all. The pictures I painted. This song inspired me so much. I made the picture I made for Joao to this song. It meant so much about it. The roads ahead of me are very scary. But you know I can't give up just because you want me to. I'm not filled with lies I'm just surrounded by them. I remember that I changed and he came at the right time. I sent him the "Neglected" and he said it was sad. I want two completely different guys and I have excepted that but I can't be like his ex's. I live him and I don't wanna hurt him like they did. He is too much of a good person for that. I know I did something wrong and I have to fix it. But I already have all the answers to my problems. I won't cry no more I promise. I swore that I wouldn't before but I broke that promise but this is different I won't cry at all. I will grow as a tree does. Fly like a bird. Be as free as an eagle. Silent like a ninja. Climb like goats up life's mountains. And dream as big as possible.

Neglect

I was neglected no one ever talked to me
My mom left me dehydrated by my self on a mattress covered in my own piss
I was 4 or 3 back then and I remember I was dizzy
Couldn't get up no one could have saved me
My own mother would yell at me when I peed the bed but just let me sit there in my own piss all alone dehydrated
She my own mother left me in the bath tub by myself when I wasnt even a year old
Not even a year old covered in bandages
She told me that she had other things that were more important in her life to do then pick me up
She gave my gifts to my little sister if I wasn't there
She threw me away ,neglected me  and broke me till there was nothing left
Now I neglect the things I have
I take the people I love for granite and hurt them
My mom says she loves me when it only benefits her
I hurt the people I love with my words because that's all that I'm used to
I gave up along time ago on dreams and making new friends
I don't plan on staying alive till I'm 50 or even 30
I just want to die
No one loves me
I am all alone
I won't shed a tear because I excepted that I'm alone and no one cares nor gives me the time of day
I hate myself for hurting other but when they do it to me its OK and they'll be alright
My step sister hits me calls me ugly and doesn't even care
My little sister used to hate me and make my life a living hell
When I lived with my mom she wouldn't let me sleep in the living room and didn't buy me a bed so it was the floor or the old bed that you could feel the springs in
I didn't sleep on the floor cause it was degusting so I slept on a bin
And I didn't have a blanket nor a pillow so I would just sleep curled up in a ball on a bin
See my mom doesn't care she won't even answer the phone for a month straight nor pick me up
I give up I'm done OK so if this blog stops its not my fault its theres

Cheating

I'm officially a cheater
I tell him I love him
Then I ask someone else out
He tells me he would get a job for me
He would make it work and that he loves me
While I die inside cause I neglected him
Cause I cheated
I never cheated on anyone before and I never planned on
It was all my fault I could have said no and not flirt with him but I said I wanted it.
I'm a horrible person
Its eating me up inside
I cheated on the guy I love.
I'm such a bad person

Im done

I'm done with this trying shit. When you actually wanna do something then you don't try you do. Don't say your gonna start over then you forget the damn past. You don't keep bringing it up. If your gonna get a head then you don't try you actually do it. Dont make me live with you fucked up mistakes. I don't wanna live with your stupid life. I wanna choose for myself. You don't have to choose for me. And the mistakes I make don't fuck my life up badly. They piss me off so much. Why do they blame me for their mistakes. I'm soo done.

My past

Chapter1:
Once upon a time
I was just a little girl
All alone in this big world
She played all by her self
Sad alone friendless
She had no one
Only sometimes people or a person would come into her kingdom
Most wouldn't dare enter her castle
She was all alone
Then one day a little prince came into her castle through the window
She was excited that someone actually came to see her
The little prince and the little girl became friends and would talk all day
Her friend Lisa came and they all played
But this wasn't the case
She wasn't really a princess
She was just a little girl who lived with her father
She had no friends

The Numbers I Live For

The 27th he agreed to be my boyfriend.
The 26th he broke up with me.
The 14th was the last time I saw him.
The last time he texted me was the 21st
I kissed him 0 times
The 20th he agreed to be my boyfriend.
The 6th was the last time I saw him
The last time I talked to him was the 7th
I kissed him more then 7 times
Well these are the numbers of love and my life.So Bye?

Grayhound

Well I'm waiting at a station to get on a greyhound. Omg this is place sucks. Us getting on it was delayed and everyone is irritated. I think imma bout to kill everyone. Swear I hate this and my mom didn't call me at all.

Miss him

More and more I start to miss him
I really wanna see him again
Kiss him
Hug him
Talk to him
See him
And love him more than I ever
I miss him
More than I ever could
I love him
I really wanna see him
He's not like the rest
I know he loves me too
He's a perv but I still love him
He's a geek
Tall
Pretty eyes
A sweet heart
The guy I love

Diamonds

I'm sad
Depressed
A big mess
Thinking of all the good memories
How you never made me feel lonely
Or second guess my feelings
I'm no good at goodbyes but this time I won't cry cause I lived the way I wanted to
I didn't feel sad
I love that you existed in my world
I love you
I'm no good at expressing my feelings either
But the way you made me feel made it hard not to smile with a real smile not a fake
I'm happy that I owned a piece of your heart
I'm feeling so much that its hard to express
I was scared to have our lips touch but when our lips did touch I wanted it to happen again
You are my rainbow on my rainy day
My lotus flower growing in depression
Thank you and goodbye

My anime pics