My drawings here they are

One year

Its been a year!! I have grown up a lot but have also been hurt a lot. I've been so blessed to have this blog.
I lose so much by moving. So having this blog has ment so much. I love this blog soooo much. I can't believe it's been a year.

Out of my limits

I dreamed of beautiful skies
A big apartment in the city
The future
But I still continue to remember the past
Pittsburgh
I keep having flashbacks
I just wanna cry
The boy I like is there while I sit here not able to enjoy my summer
I can't stop remembering the past
I remember how the air would blow against my skin
The smell of the perfumes I used to wear
The bed I used to sleep on
The hills I walked up just to see him
The first time I met him
The music I listen to
Everything
The way I felt the paintings
It hurts so bad
When I look at the sky it reminds me again and again
Out of my limits
A place so perfect that all I want to do is cry cause I neglected it

When i grow up

When I grow up I want to grow plants
I wanna get good grades in school
Fall in love and maybe get my heart broken a few more times
Love and cherish everything I have
When I grow up I'll learn from my mistakes
Why wait to I grow up when I can do it all now
For the summer I can study my butt off and watch anime
I can wait for a  guy who will live me and care

What Now

To night was the night that I remembered everything. July 2 2014 Wednesday 2:29 am. "What Now" by Rihanna was the song I used to listen to before I moved back with my dad. I remember a month ago I looked at the song and couldn't remember what was so important about it but when I listen to it I remembered it all. The pictures I painted. This song inspired me so much. I made the picture I made for Joao to this song. It meant so much about it. The roads ahead of me are very scary. But you know I can't give up just because you want me to. I'm not filled with lies I'm just surrounded by them. I remember that I changed and he came at the right time. I sent him the "Neglected" and he said it was sad. I want two completely different guys and I have excepted that but I can't be like his ex's. I live him and I don't wanna hurt him like they did. He is too much of a good person for that. I know I did something wrong and I have to fix it. But I already have all the answers to my problems. I won't cry no more I promise. I swore that I wouldn't before but I broke that promise but this is different I won't cry at all. I will grow as a tree does. Fly like a bird. Be as free as an eagle. Silent like a ninja. Climb like goats up life's mountains. And dream as big as possible.

Neglect

I was neglected no one ever talked to me
My mom left me dehydrated by my self on a mattress covered in my own piss
I was 4 or 3 back then and I remember I was dizzy
Couldn't get up no one could have saved me
My own mother would yell at me when I peed the bed but just let me sit there in my own piss all alone dehydrated
She my own mother left me in the bath tub by myself when I wasnt even a year old
Not even a year old covered in bandages
She told me that she had other things that were more important in her life to do then pick me up
She gave my gifts to my little sister if I wasn't there
She threw me away ,neglected me  and broke me till there was nothing left
Now I neglect the things I have
I take the people I love for granite and hurt them
My mom says she loves me when it only benefits her
I hurt the people I love with my words because that's all that I'm used to
I gave up along time ago on dreams and making new friends
I don't plan on staying alive till I'm 50 or even 30
I just want to die
No one loves me
I am all alone
I won't shed a tear because I excepted that I'm alone and no one cares nor gives me the time of day
I hate myself for hurting other but when they do it to me its OK and they'll be alright
My step sister hits me calls me ugly and doesn't even care
My little sister used to hate me and make my life a living hell
When I lived with my mom she wouldn't let me sleep in the living room and didn't buy me a bed so it was the floor or the old bed that you could feel the springs in
I didn't sleep on the floor cause it was degusting so I slept on a bin
And I didn't have a blanket nor a pillow so I would just sleep curled up in a ball on a bin
See my mom doesn't care she won't even answer the phone for a month straight nor pick me up
I give up I'm done OK so if this blog stops its not my fault its theres

Cheating

I'm officially a cheater
I tell him I love him
Then I ask someone else out
He tells me he would get a job for me
He would make it work and that he loves me
While I die inside cause I neglected him
Cause I cheated
I never cheated on anyone before and I never planned on
It was all my fault I could have said no and not flirt with him but I said I wanted it.
I'm a horrible person
Its eating me up inside
I cheated on the guy I love.
I'm such a bad person