Love U

I love him. Even though he doesnt love me. I let french words determine my fate. I wasn't sure if the words were "I love you" or "I hate you".He's a good person .He's true and I love to lie. To make it worse I told him on facebook that he was 15 steps ahead of me and that it's like he's just not even trying while I'm running for my life to catch up. I also said that he should jump off a cliff and he's in the sky and im scared to fly. His response to this is that if I want to catch up I should jump off a cliff (metaphorical) to fly. Then I said who's gonna catch me if I dont fly and he of corse had to saybi will and we'll start again. Why does he have to be so kind. I would love if I could hate him or for him to hate me but it just won't happen. I even ended up telling what happen on Christmas this year , and some very personal stuff that I just wont tell ti other people. I dont understand why i like him so much. Well I do know but I want to know to stop.

Never Should Have

         I never have started loving him. He was the only person I wasn't supposed to love but I ended up. I'm only 13 years old and I've fallen in love. Why did it have to be me? Why did it have to be him especially him?  He's just supposed to just be a friend but I love. I tried denying it but I can't lie to myself forever. I don't know if he likes me but I won't find out. Well Bye ???

Why Him

Why am I always 15 steps behind him . He's always 15 steps ahead of my but why ? Like for example he met my friends before I did and he's in a higher math class . If I want to beat him
I'll have to get straight A's for the rest of the year and there's no way I can do that unless I study like CRAZY .
                   <>    <>      I have NO hope at ALL!!!!!!!!!!
                  _______ 
I just
have to admit
defeat .

Friends

Is it bad that all I can think about is talking to my (boy) friend . I think it's because I didn't say "Happy Thanksgiving" to him . My grandma says I like him so much , I actually might start to believe it . So is it love that I'm feeling or is it just me being delusional ? And will I ever say "I like you"?

Done

I'm done being mad at people . Being mad is just so tiring

Perfect Blue

     I started to watch an anime movie called "Perfect Blue " while watching it I became confused . Well "Perfect Blue" is about a 21 years old who is a pop-star who is switching into a actress . She starts to notice that a strange man has begun to come obsessed with her . The girl does things that she does not like ( you could say shameful ) . Well people that she is working with have been mysteriously dyeing around her . At first you think it's the stalker . But as you see in the movie the girl's mental state has been unstable .
      In the film parts of it you see from her point of view and it shows how she goes insane . She can't tell who she really is and can't tell what's fake or real . After a certain event ends you see the girl wake up from her slumber confused . And the movie that the girl is in is a crime movie and it says in some parts of the movie reasons that it could be .
  You find out who the real killer is close to the end . It ends up to be her best friend  . You find this out when her best friend  tries to kill her .

11-25-2013

  I was trying to deal with the frustration I was feeling . While I was finally fixing my broken heart my dad was trying to fix things with Tonya even though he knew deep down inside that it wasn't going to work . Tonya wasn't really about to stop her games and nether was my dad.
   My grandma was probably going to have a very cold and lonely Thanksgiving . Even if she wouldn't admit it . Thanksgiving is about spending one day with your family even if you like it or not to eat and to be thankful to be blessed with such wonderful and different people . Even if it is friends or family you should appreciate that their there for you .
  I on the other hand didn't want a Thanksgiving for once . If I did have one I didn't want it to be with my family . Things were just too much for me to handle . I know that all the things my dad said he would do wouldn't happen . I knew thins because when Tonya gets mixed with my dad I move they act like children and then in the end us children get hurt .
  Why is it that parents  tell you they know what's best but when they screw up or make a mistake it  hurts us children ? Tonya's not the bad guy here but it is partly her fault too but it was really just my dad . He knows what's going to happen if he goes back to Tonya . He's the selfish one ,the child in this case . They tell us to know are place as children but , they do most of the wrong . They say to act correct in school or in public because ewe are a reflection of them . But when they get in trouble we get made fun of at school even at home , and we're called the screw ups not them . They say its so hard being a grown up . But it even harder being a child who just wants to fit in be cool with the other kids .And if they don't have nice clothes , nice shoes , nice hair , nice house ,and aren't funny enough we get picked on . The other kids go along for they wont be picked on . And your all probably thinking how would she know . Well I know because I've been to eight different schools and seen it all happen .
     I'm one of those children . Sometimes in gym I'm so scared I'll mess up and everyone will scold me that I don't give it any effort . And they all still glare at me whisper things in the shadows .
 So why are we children when they act so childish?

Hidden

  The people I thought I trusted the most lied to me  . I trusted them and they lied but there not the only people who lied I have lied as well. I thought I had changed the most in these past two years but I guess not . I got a reality check on Friday in 6th period . Now I'm afraid to face the consequences on Tuesday when I go back to school .
  Is it that we never change or is it that we never will know some one truly until it's too late ?

Tomboy

I want to be a full on tomboy but there's one problem I'm scared of mice and rats . And wheb I say scared I mean terrified . I start crying any time I see one .

Still

I am I still clueless as ever .
 Why do you turn away when I look at you ?
       Well I do the same thing but I try not to look your way at all .
     I'm such a punk . I cant even look a guy in the eyes or talk to him . And I have the nerve to call everyone else a punk . I'm so pathetic . I wish that one day one of us will have the guts to talk . To speak up and say how we feel . I never knew how he felt about me but I still liked him so it didn't matter to me at all .
      I didn't know much about him at all and the whole time we were going out I thought about how much I wished I knew about him and if I should break up with him . I thought I would learn something but I didn't at all . WELL BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Hope

You gave me hope . You helped me when I was falling apart . So thank you for everything . It might seem like I don't appreciate what you have done but I really do . When I was depressed you reassured me that everything would be ok . The personal things you said didn't matter . A thousand thank yous wouldn't be enough to express my gratitude . Thank you !!

Break Up part 2

Still nothing said . I shouldn't expect anything . When we weee going out he didn't say much . But when I was in line to get my lunch some one touches my hair  . It might be him but I didn't see him do it . All I seen was a mere glance of him walking past when I turned around to see who did it . So now I'm confused but I'm always confused.  Well bye ??

Break up

Well  I got some one to break up with him and now I feel better  . Expect that he didn't even say  anything about it . Need Advice. Well bye!!

Michael Jr

I know I don't know you but you gave me hope and I'm very thankful . You probably don't know me . I hope you have a wonderful life and many of your dreams come true . Clueless again and still wishing I knew . Bye!

End

I think it's time for me to break up with him . I thought a lot about it and.....
I know I won't have that special some one and I'm not doing this because I dont like him I'm doing it because he doesn't talk to me . And it seems like he just doesn't like me I throught if I tried to let him see the real me he could like ms but he didn't so I'm the one who's gonna end it all !!!!! I feel actually happy for myself . Well Bye.

The Same Me

I know in the future I'll be different in many ways but it'll still be the same me I might look different but that won't matter . I might like different things but I know that I won't regret any of my past because I did it . I won :)

Now

I want to be alone to deal with these emotions that I'm haveing . I'm scared that one day I'll wake up and everything will just start falling to pieces before me . I dont want to be this way . If I have to be alone to rebuild these walls I took so long to build then so be it . Maybe in reality I'm the one who's going to fall to pieces . Then what after that ?

My little sister

     She was always my little sister . I could never hurt her . We didn't grow up in the same house . But we were still family .
I didn't live the same lifestyle as her . She was a stanger to me . A person that was unknown to me . But that didn't stop me from trying to be her big sister or even her sister .
     I was just trying to be her sister and didn't think about trying to be a friend . And what she needed was a friend . I always regreted not trying harder to see her . Well now I'm trying to be in all of my family's lives not just that relative that they never knew .

I Am

I think I'm actually falling for him . I'm starting to like him more and more . I didn't expect this to happen . I just wanted him by me not in my my mind all the time . Well Bye ! :-)

?

The thing I wished for the most actually happened so why aren't I happy . For once sonething I want happens but I too maf and agitated to appreciate it . All I do is reget every little thing I do . I should be happy but I'm not . I guess that's just my humanity showing . Everything is greedy and don't appreciate crap . But I wanted to be different not like everything . I just need to stop over thinking everything and regretting . BYE :(

Looks

I went to the bathroom at school today and I looked int the mirror and I saw my reflection . And I realized I want to change my look . I wanna be different then I do now . Prettier . I didn't think I would ever say that but I did . Well Bye !!!!!

Anime Club

My friend and I have a common interest we both love anime . So we're trying to get then to start an anime club in our school . I'm very excited . Well Bye !!!!

The heart story

Once opon a time a young little girl asked her mother how to whistle . Now that young girl is bigger now . She  looks out to the sky and still remembers her mother . She remembers all of the regretful things she has done in the past but then she starts to recall all of the good things that have happened to her too . She feels happy deep within her heart . The End

Your Soul

Such a gentle soul as fragile as glass . Like a flower easy to pick the petals off .

Confirmed

He confirmed that he was serious . But the problem is that I don't know much about him . I don't even know where he lives and I can't stop second guessing my desicion . Need Some Advice . Comments Please .WELL BYE!!!!!

That Guy

I finally got a boy that I like . And he asked me out . But in the corniest way ever . He asked me to be his girlfriend on a note that we kept passing around in class . But the weirdest part was when we were in the hallway he started acting super shy and like he was embarrassed . So I said yes at lunch now I think we're girlfriend and boyfriend . The reason I think is because he didn't tell anyone about it so I guess that's it . Well Bye!!

That Smell

I keep on smelling this familiar scent .  It smells like the scent of spring . Maybe it's my future that I smell .

Your Feelings

I can't except your feelings that you don't have for me . You say you love me but I know that it's not true . I see right through your little joke . It's all fun in games in till I crush you and stomp your fake love and you into the ground . And even if it's not just some stupid joke for your amusement I do not like you to put it bluntly . I can not hate you for this but I can not except this annoyance to keep accruing in my life just for you can get a good laugh at it . So monkey-ears you just have been rejected . Deal with it like a man and leave me alone . I use to keep these kind of things going until my questions on what would happen if I did something where answered . But that was the old me the me I do not want to be . So how I answered his confession was with a mature message and a sincere apology . I think I did an excellent job this time . I'm not quit sure what he will reply back to my message but I hope it ends it all . Well Bye And Good Luck To You In Solving Your Life Problems Too !!!

Crying Over Nothing

I can't cry I have too much pride and dignity too . I feel like I want to cry but I don't know why I should cry . I guess I just want to cry . I'm still confused about my own feelings on the situations
that I'm in right now . Bye !

My Mother

My mother and I you could say not on speaking levels I see her but not very often . We causally exchange words but not a lot . I don't live with my mother . I live with my father . People constantly bring her up . I just want to leave her alone and stay away . I don't care about her at all but she's the only way I can see my sisters . That might be harsh but if she didn't return your phone calls and you call everyday . Her excuse for you not being able to see her or come over is she has something more important to do . On birthdays and holidays she got you nothing . If I didn't come over to house a week after she got it she would give it to my younger sister . She wouldn't talk nor listen to me if I asked a question . The only thing I regret doing to my mom is sending her those letters . You'll find out about those letters later but a year ago I sent her 3 of them . Well Bye!!!

Politness

I'm trying to be very polite towards  people for they don't think I don't have any manners . What I mean is like when I answer then telephone  instead of picking it up I answer and properly answer . And if I can not achieve this then I failed myself as a person . The things I do is something a idiot would do . Also saying thank you and your welcome , when some one sneezes say bless you instead of nothing or blesh you . Blesh is not even a word so why do they not say it properly .
      Some Facts About It : Well "Bless You" came from Pope Gregory the Great in the sixth century during the plague because sneezing is a sign of the plague so that's how bless you came to be .
  Well Bye !

Rest In Peace

Well my dream turned out to be true . Just change the place and characters . What happened in my dream was that someone died that was close to me . I told them all but they just didn't listen to me . They said it was just a dream and I shouldn't worry about it . The weird thing is that I had this dream exactly a week before on Sunday . I'm not sure if it was just a coincidence but the present and the same silence was there .

      To: Pablo
I hope you had a good life . I hope you see and spend forever in happiness . I will always love you even through I can't see you . Rest in peace .
       
             Well Bye !

Death

What would you do if you felt or knew you where close to death . I'm asking this because I had a dream when some one very close to me died . I have dreams like this all the time but there was something special about this one . In this dream right before it ended I seen my step-sister and I sitting on her bed and I exactly said ''You know the weird thing is my dream actually came true '' . And then after that things including the dead showed up more and more . I'm not scared at all , maybe just a little confused . Well Bye !

Anime

I have watched lot of anime in the past two years . Well here's the list of most of them
1.Clannad
2.Clannad After Story
3.Fruit Basket
4.Inu X Boku Secret Service
5.Air
6.Angel Beats
7.Black Butler
8.Black Butler season 2
9.Boys Over Flowers
10.Soul Eater
11.Corpse Princess
12.Dance In The Vampire Bund
13.DearS
14.Dream Eater Merry
15.Durarara
16.Eden of the West
17.Full Metal Panic
18.Fushigi Yuugi
19.Highschool of the Dead
20.His and Her Circumstance
21.Karin
22.Kaichou wa Maid-sama
23.Vampire Knight
24.Vampire Knight Guilty
25.Marmalade Boy
26.Nana
27.Ouran High School Host Club
28.Paradise Kiss
29.Rosario and Vampire
30.Rosario and Vampire Capu2
31.Save Me Lollipop
32.Samuria 7
33.Spice and Wolf
34.Spice and Wolf Season 2
35.Zero no Tsukaima
36.The Wallflower
37.Suzuka
38.Death Note
39.Another
40.Hiiro No Kakera 
41.Peach Girl
42.Special A.    
43. Fullmetal Alchemist
45.K Project
46.Kokoro Connect      
47.Blood Lad
48.Date A Live  
49.Cowboy Bebop
50.Bleach
51.Blue Exorcist
52.Watamote
53. Beyond The Boundary
54.Paranoia Agents
55.Attack on Titan
56.The Familar of Zero
57.Itzura na Kiss
58.Say I Love You
59.Kamisama Kiss
60.Accel World
61.B Gata H Kei
62.Future Diary
63.The World God Only Knows
64.Is This A Zombie?
65.The World Of Narue
66.No.6
67.Saikano
68.Space Dandy
69.Tokyo Underground

I Can't Believe You

I don't feel like trusting them . I don't want to believe you . I really don't even care anymore

It's Just How I Am

I'm me my opinions on things have nothing to do with anyone but myself . Yes I watch anime and read manga . I like reading articles about Marvel and DC superheroes . I love rainy days , ice cream and being by myself . But that's me . I don't like being criticized . I hate being introduced to new people . I'm super shy but that's me not anyone else but me if you can't except me then just leave me alone . I don't like when people act like hypocrites but everyone is , and some times I am to . I know I'm not the greatest but who is so I think people are not as smart as they say they are if they don't know that . Well Bye !

 

The Blooming Of A Young Girl's Heart

A few years back I heard that a girl's heart is like a flower and it blooms at the sight of love or when you become mature . It's kind of like self discovering , when you truly find your self you understand the situation more than you did before . Well maybe not . Girls' hearts are hard to describe but they beautiful things . In the spring mine is at full bloom . So I always kind of thought of my heart as a flower I'm not sure what flower but just picturing it makes me smile .
     
     My Pappy Denny before he died use to grow flowers and so did I but now I just like looking at them instead . Just to think how fast the years have flew . Well good bye !

Why The Rain

The rain is my favorite type of weather . I especially love thunder storms . I love the part in a thunder storm where the power goes out and when your sitting there in suspense . Every time I look at the rain I just get mesmerized by how beautiful it looks .

Same Things Everydays

Same things everyday , every year . My life is full of the same ending and same disappointments . But everyone's is , isn't it . When I do something I know what the effect will be and the impression I give off is . So I do certain things and don't do some things in front of people and I usually end up explaining myself to people . My dad and his friend found the most embarrassing thing some one could find of mine . The thing they found was a romantic story that I wrote , it's so embarrassing , I just wanted to die . They probably told their friend at work , telling their friends that it was so stupid and they expected more or No they probably laugh and made jokes about it . I felt so stupid when I heard they read it . Every day I feel embarrassed  .  The same things every day just an unstoppable force I guess . well bye

Graffiti

My Reasoning

The reason for this blog and all the stuff I type is because the truth is that I'm very scared to tell people how I feel and since this is anonymous nobody can judge or tell who I am . I hate explaining to people the way I think and why I do the things I do and why I act the way I do  things . People just like judging others for they can get out all of there frustrations in life or maybe because they envy some one  and they are scared to let them know they do so they do the opposite of how they feel. And a lot of people do it . Like how boys pick on girls when they have a crush on them . Boys act the opposite to protect them self from getting hurt . Well bye!

Is This Really Me

Is this really me ? I made some one I don't even know marked down in side my brain as an enemy . Just because I let one of my silly emotion take over my head . This emotion is called jealousy . How could I do that ,that's not me I usually think in terms of the situation to find the best way to get though it . But then this emotion , no this feeling for some one took over my mind . Am I turning into some one that I do not know of or is it that it was just in that situation . Now I'm scared I don't want to turn into one of those people who thinks only out of emotions . I want to be some one who thinks rational and reasonable of things not a stupid living being who let their stupidity and emotions get the best of them . Am I really that pathetic . Well I did know that one day I would have this feeling about some one and do something stupid . Good thing I didn't take action with these feelings of jealousy of mine . I will always want the best for that person but I see now that I'm not worthy of having him as a friend . Well bye!

Use To Be

The nights use to be longer .The days use to be shorter now they're like a blink of an eye . I use to be ....

I have nothing to say

I don't know what to say I guess you could say I'm speechless in this situation . I don't know how to say that I'm anti-social . I'm not exactly anti-social Anti-social ,well It's not like that with one person I'm not going to say that person's name . But  with that person I can just say what ever I trust that person . I trust some of my family too but that person is different that person just listens to me , cares , and is sincere in every way . How can you beat that you can't that's the person I love well I'm not sure if I should call it love . I don't know if that person feels the same but I do know that I care a lot about that person . I once confessed to that person in the spring of 2012 with my sister . She 's the one who talked me into it . I liked that person for 3 months but couldn't bring up enough courage to tell that person . I once tried to tell that person but I said ''I like '' and then that person said you like me and then said ''NOOOO I hate you bye see you tomorrow since I hate you '' . On my way home I my way home I felt so stupid . A week before summer started I went over my mom's house and on my last day there I spent most of my day with that person and I realize I haven't seen that person in almost a year . And now I realized that all of the feelings I had for that person came back but I cant tell that person yet but I'll give it some time and if I still feelings then I'll tell that person .


I need some advice

A Life of a young girl

These days a girl in middle school has to dress to impress . Just to have friends you have to wear nice and expensive clothing . Girls number one priority is to get a boyfriend and impress your friends . There so young but they don't care they do their make up like they're adults . I'm in middle school now but I don't dress like they do I dress a properly . Girls are in a hectic in this state of their lives .
They need some on to inspire them , no guide them to be strong and independent young ladies that they should be . I understand wanting to be loved by your friends , well I don't understand because I really and I mean really don't care about what people think so I guess I don't understand how they feel .But what I do know is that they are desperate for friends and to be loved by some one .I don't get why , like what's so good about being loved .I think trying to be loved is to much work for just that and being loved is not really as good as it seems . Being loved brings to much attention to one person . I prefer being just acquaintances or a friend that people just come to for advice . But it depends on what kind of person you are .

Life As Me

My life well it's mostly people telling me what to be and who to be .I'm so tired of people telling me things that I don't want to hear . You're you not me I'm me so stay out of my life . I might be young
but I'm smarter than the average child .
 I'm me not you!!!!

Who I Am

I am a middle schooler who is very shy and a B+ student . I like being  by myself . People just don't understand me . I like reading manga and watching anime . If any body found out about this I probably  cry . I really don't cry very much only when I see a rat or I am in extreme pain . I love drawing and sketching pictures for people and I think I'm really good at it . Some people say I should be a tattoo artist because of how much they resemble the looks of tattoos .Also how they are just in black in white . I love eating ice cream and running or racing people . Sometimes I listen and dance around when nobody is home . I'm so use to moving that I don't mind anymore . I absolutely in love with baseball bats . I don't know why but there's something about baseball bats that drives me crazy . I don't like when people say ''Hi my name is _______ don't mind me I'm weird '' when I just met you . Why do I care if your weird that's your problem not mine . That might sound mean on my part but I hear it too much that I'm just sick of it . Also they must be really weird if they think its all right to introduce your self and then say your weird , like what is wrong with you . I'm black and white . My dad is white and my mom is black . I have four sisters on my mom's side and one brother on my dad's side . My older sister's name is Nautica she is 15 years old  . My sister closest to my age is Pharrah she is 11 years old .  Then there's Chanel she's 5 years old . Then the last one is Khalema she's a 1 year old . Then there's my 5 year old brother Scott .  I'm two years apart from Nautica and Pharrah . I love my family very much .Well Bye