No Love Allowed

Someone call 911. I'm dying. Him in my mind drives me crazy. I want it all to go away now. No love allowed. He don't feel the same, so I shouldn't'. Him being interested in me was all in my head.
   Trying to get over the past is hard. I want to lose all contact with him but another part wants to keep it all. Keeping it all isn't an option.
   I want to stop writing and thinking bout him. What happen to everyone else. I only talk to one girl from the there.
   I was finally forgetting about him abd then he texts me when my phone is on 2% and says "hi u haven't texted me in a month". Well he hasn't texted me in a month either. Why did he have to do that.
  He drives me crazy. He was the  first person I actually considered to trust(I trusted). He made me believe in boys again. After all the shit I've been through I was counting on him to fix me and he did. And that's why I miss him so much. But now I realized I'm just the past to him nothing more. He has forgotten about me and replaced me( or was I the replacement). Like I thought. I was just going to be replaced.
    I hated all men/boys because one boy pissed on my, and told everyone in school. They all laughed at me. I felt so alone. One guy did that to me and that made me hate them all. I'm just like my father for that. My dad hates all women cause some fucked him over. But everyone will fuck you over sooner or later.
    So no love allowed. Cause when I fall in love you'll just hurt me.

Remembering February

I usualy don't remember anything about a month but it was different this year. I remembered how many days February had in it and I remembered what day it was on a certain date. February was a month I lost what I finally had. Good bye February. ��

Its soo sad

Suicide amv (Colorful amv): http://youtu.be/m8alZd7emPA

I Gave up

      I didnt try I just gave up. I didnt fight for a single thing. I just gave up. I have no right to shed a tear. I didn't wanted it to end but it did and I knew it would. I was thinking there was a chance but there wasn't. I didnt care enough to try and now I miss it so much.
    People say he missed me but he didnt make the effort to see me, he doesn't text me anymore.  So much for missing me when you never.liked me. It gets me so mad. I gave up on everything I wished it would all fall apart. Im a bad person. I don't care about anything bit myself.

Mom

Im sitting in the backseat of my mothers car. I won't make eye contact with her. She tried to start a conversation in a not obvious way, but i was sitting in the car for almost 6 minutes without a word said so it was pretty obvious . I just answer quickly and go back to typing this. I'm finally not confused of the situation I am in. I now understand everything. But knowing my place is all that I can do now. There is nothing else. My mind is finally clear of those thoughts of confusion. But I still wonder why my mom doesn't say a word. Its like im going to break under this pressure.

Advice

    I asked for lots of advice. But none of it seemed to make me happier. The fact of the mattet is that I miss him but he doesn't miss me.
    He said he did but there is "no truth only lies". I wish he could feel the same but he doesnt, I wish I was strong enough to fight away these tear, I wish I didnt miss him at all, and I wish I never met him. But what is done is done.
    The advice was no use to me I just wasted my time asking for help. I am truly dumb thinking that he felt the same or nearly as much as I liked him. Well I dont need any more advice. So bye