Why am I always 15 steps behind him . He's always 15 steps ahead of my but why ? Like for example he met my friends before I did and he's in a higher math class . If I want to beat him
I'll have to get straight A's for the rest of the year and there's no way I can do that unless I study like CRAZY .
<> <> I have NO hope at ALL!!!!!!!!!!
_______
I just
have to admit
defeat .
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Friends
Is it bad that all I can think about is talking to my (boy) friend . I think it's because I didn't say "Happy Thanksgiving" to him . My grandma says I like him so much , I actually might start to believe it . So is it love that I'm feeling or is it just me being delusional ? And will I ever say "I like you"?
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Perfect Blue
I started to watch an anime movie called "Perfect Blue " while watching it I became confused . Well "Perfect Blue" is about a 21 years old who is a pop-star who is switching into a actress . She starts to notice that a strange man has begun to come obsessed with her . The girl does things that she does not like ( you could say shameful ) . Well people that she is working with have been mysteriously dyeing around her . At first you think it's the stalker . But as you see in the movie the girl's mental state has been unstable .
In the film parts of it you see from her point of view and it shows how she goes insane . She can't tell who she really is and can't tell what's fake or real . After a certain event ends you see the girl wake up from her slumber confused . And the movie that the girl is in is a crime movie and it says in some parts of the movie reasons that it could be .
You find out who the real killer is close to the end . It ends up to be her best friend . You find this out when her best friend tries to kill her .
In the film parts of it you see from her point of view and it shows how she goes insane . She can't tell who she really is and can't tell what's fake or real . After a certain event ends you see the girl wake up from her slumber confused . And the movie that the girl is in is a crime movie and it says in some parts of the movie reasons that it could be .
You find out who the real killer is close to the end . It ends up to be her best friend . You find this out when her best friend tries to kill her .
Monday, November 25, 2013
11-25-2013
I was trying to deal with the frustration I was feeling . While I was finally fixing my broken heart my dad was trying to fix things with Tonya even though he knew deep down inside that it wasn't going to work . Tonya wasn't really about to stop her games and nether was my dad.
My grandma was probably going to have a very cold and lonely Thanksgiving . Even if she wouldn't admit it . Thanksgiving is about spending one day with your family even if you like it or not to eat and to be thankful to be blessed with such wonderful and different people . Even if it is friends or family you should appreciate that their there for you .
I on the other hand didn't want a Thanksgiving for once . If I did have one I didn't want it to be with my family . Things were just too much for me to handle . I know that all the things my dad said he would do wouldn't happen . I knew thins because when Tonya gets mixed with my dad I move they act like children and then in the end us children get hurt .
Why is it that parents tell you they know what's best but when they screw up or make a mistake it hurts us children ? Tonya's not the bad guy here but it is partly her fault too but it was really just my dad . He knows what's going to happen if he goes back to Tonya . He's the selfish one ,the child in this case . They tell us to know are place as children but , they do most of the wrong . They say to act correct in school or in public because ewe are a reflection of them . But when they get in trouble we get made fun of at school even at home , and we're called the screw ups not them . They say its so hard being a grown up . But it even harder being a child who just wants to fit in be cool with the other kids .And if they don't have nice clothes , nice shoes , nice hair , nice house ,and aren't funny enough we get picked on . The other kids go along for they wont be picked on . And your all probably thinking how would she know . Well I know because I've been to eight different schools and seen it all happen .
I'm one of those children . Sometimes in gym I'm so scared I'll mess up and everyone will scold me that I don't give it any effort . And they all still glare at me whisper things in the shadows .
So why are we children when they act so childish?
My grandma was probably going to have a very cold and lonely Thanksgiving . Even if she wouldn't admit it . Thanksgiving is about spending one day with your family even if you like it or not to eat and to be thankful to be blessed with such wonderful and different people . Even if it is friends or family you should appreciate that their there for you .
I on the other hand didn't want a Thanksgiving for once . If I did have one I didn't want it to be with my family . Things were just too much for me to handle . I know that all the things my dad said he would do wouldn't happen . I knew thins because when Tonya gets mixed with my dad I move they act like children and then in the end us children get hurt .
Why is it that parents tell you they know what's best but when they screw up or make a mistake it hurts us children ? Tonya's not the bad guy here but it is partly her fault too but it was really just my dad . He knows what's going to happen if he goes back to Tonya . He's the selfish one ,the child in this case . They tell us to know are place as children but , they do most of the wrong . They say to act correct in school or in public because ewe are a reflection of them . But when they get in trouble we get made fun of at school even at home , and we're called the screw ups not them . They say its so hard being a grown up . But it even harder being a child who just wants to fit in be cool with the other kids .And if they don't have nice clothes , nice shoes , nice hair , nice house ,and aren't funny enough we get picked on . The other kids go along for they wont be picked on . And your all probably thinking how would she know . Well I know because I've been to eight different schools and seen it all happen .
I'm one of those children . Sometimes in gym I'm so scared I'll mess up and everyone will scold me that I don't give it any effort . And they all still glare at me whisper things in the shadows .
So why are we children when they act so childish?
Hidden
The people I thought I trusted the most lied to me . I trusted them and they lied but there not the only people who lied I have lied as well. I thought I had changed the most in these past two years but I guess not . I got a reality check on Friday in 6th period . Now I'm afraid to face the consequences on Tuesday when I go back to school .
Is it that we never change or is it that we never will know some one truly until it's too late ?
Is it that we never change or is it that we never will know some one truly until it's too late ?
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Tomboy
I want to be a full on tomboy but there's one problem I'm scared of mice and rats . And wheb I say scared I mean terrified . I start crying any time I see one .
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Still
I am I still clueless as ever .
Why do you turn away when I look at you ?
Well I do the same thing but I try not to look your way at all .
I'm such a punk . I cant even look a guy in the eyes or talk to him . And I have the nerve to call everyone else a punk . I'm so pathetic . I wish that one day one of us will have the guts to talk . To speak up and say how we feel . I never knew how he felt about me but I still liked him so it didn't matter to me at all .
I didn't know much about him at all and the whole time we were going out I thought about how much I wished I knew about him and if I should break up with him . I thought I would learn something but I didn't at all . WELL BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
Why do you turn away when I look at you ?
Well I do the same thing but I try not to look your way at all .
I'm such a punk . I cant even look a guy in the eyes or talk to him . And I have the nerve to call everyone else a punk . I'm so pathetic . I wish that one day one of us will have the guts to talk . To speak up and say how we feel . I never knew how he felt about me but I still liked him so it didn't matter to me at all .
I didn't know much about him at all and the whole time we were going out I thought about how much I wished I knew about him and if I should break up with him . I thought I would learn something but I didn't at all . WELL BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
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