Love...I thought I knew what it was what it meant but I didn't. This dumb ass blog never told shit about me I started this about 3 years ago while being bored thinking that it could mean shit but it hasn't meant shit. It just shows how naive I was and childish. Drugs and money are all the people I know care about family friends really don't mean shit to then. What do you people think love is? I think its a painful dangerous feeling.I had sex lost my fucking virginity to a douchebag who I didn't mean shit to then I fated him for not even a month, because none of my relationships last more then 2 month and I'm always played by men they don't give a fuck bout me my own father chose my step mom over me. I trusted his dumb ass and he broke his promise and went back to he. She beat on him and cheated and he still stays he's a dumb ass. But I don't care anymore because I have to move out of state with my fucking mother who never gave a fuck bout me. She never could return a call of answer its cuz if her that I missed so much of my siblings life they know I don't belong. I aint shit never will be. I just want to die all the time. They all screwed me over but I'm not gonna be like my father who blames everyone but himself for his fuckung problems. I hate being sober I love to smoke. I get mad when I don't have a fucking cigarette especially when they just happened to cross my mind. Every single one if my siblings have pushed me around and made me feel like shit about my self. I don't give a fuck about people calling me a hoe. I only slept with one person and idgaf. Fuck this shit. Right bow I'm blasting fucking music in my fucking ear just to forget what's really in my mind. The fucking cutting, drugs, fines, and my family issues. I fell for this dude from Costa Rica name Josh but I call him Monkey. He never gave me an answer about how he feel so now I'm going to have to leave and never know how he feels. That shit hurts. My fucking shy side is a fake. A Mask. I'm a bitch. At least I tried to be nice. The shit I'm saying probably ain't true only cuz I'm in a kissy mood typing fast and everything. Tbh I just wanna go and sit in the rub and skin my leg. But I'd never do that. I fucking did acid that was fun but tbh I think I had a bad trip because I couldn't get the reflection of my self out of my mind when I was all tripping. Such a grotest face. I fell in live wit a nigga. It was sealed when he took my virginity. That shit hurt worst night if my life. My friend said she's upset cuz she cant protect me from myself. I guess I'm that fucked. Well its my fault. My grandma wants me to stay in state but I can't deal with my fucking dad anymore he betrayed me. He practically told me to go by his fucking decisions. Me and him we're supposed to quiet smoking weed together but that all changed when he got back with my step mom. Now I can't stand being fucking sober. Being sober drives me crazy. It fucking hurts. I hate this it hurts and I don't know what to do
